When I fell to this earth fifty years back, I had no idea what journey I would be set upon and it has taken the legs of fifty horses to carry my chariot to today’s beginnings.
You see, in yester-year, things would start off as though I could move mountains and touch a cloud with my finger tips and shift it into place so it look mosaic. But, as journeys went on, those clouds grew dark and sometimes the sky split and spat out a horrendous roar. And, I thought, there is a message there, somewhere.
I ventured into the crystal cave and light was all around me, so bright it stung my eyes and I had to shield myself. My body felt light, translucent, yet distinct in my direction. Answers to questions I had through my 50 years in. The clearest being had changed direction. Take the path home. a voice said return to the water’s edge. Extent your six wings. Reach for each soul like they are newborns. Mother earth knows best. Father moon will guide your way through the nights. Travel by night, stealth, swift, rest when needed or depleted.
The book of knowledge has provided me with many situations to work through and pain was the first chapter. Some years back I allowed my heart to wander into a territory it should not have. I let down the protective walls that kept me isolated and certain souls wandered through. At first, I was overwhelmed and incredibly happy. There were people, like me, who suffered, who were artful inside and who needed to relearn how to express themselves through spilled ink. I adopted each and every one of them and my wings held all within each bright feather. We laughed, cried and played around together. We created things, beautiful things and shared them all over, as far and wide as we could. And others came, we grew and grew.
And then time passes. That comfort zone set in, the dishes were left all over the place and the laundry, instead of being done was strewn about like no-one cared about appearance. Egos, change things in an instant. Arrogance, obliterates everything in its path. I became confused, then very guarded. Once promises of love and protection had now become a game of female collection and the connection was lost. Territorial beasts emerged and skin was torn, new scars were created and trust, and loyalty were left in ruination. Not as important as I once was, replaced at the drop of a hat. How about that?!
Essence screamed at me, “Be a Flamingo in a flock of Pigeons!”
So, at my breaking point, I fled, I raged and I fled. Leaving a tidal wave behind me.
I went from being told I was loved, that he was coming to get me, to take away from all that was plaguing me. I was of Twin Souls, a twin souls light in the darkest of days, needed, a friend, a love, a confidant. From promises of a little house with a white picket fence in arms of the loving to abandoned and alone once again. The pain of that damn near destroyed me. I withered, I cried, I raged into the night. I felt how dare you ignore me, dismiss me, never taking into account I had real feelings that could be hurt. Just a presence on the inter-web, just a voice, just a face, just words. Empty promises. Days gone by…….
A family, once so incredibly strong and happy, now broken, angry and sad.
Actions of lustful attention can destroy more than just one soul. It can destroy many. Especially if the many were all promised the same thing.
Just one piece to a very large and wide-spread puzzle. The dots started connecting. The obvious, straight in front of our eyes. And holy shit, why did we not see it sooner?
Why did we keep accepting excuses, making excuses and buying into everything spilled into our ear-holes?
We were hurting, vulnerable, lost, seeking, oblivious to the fact that someone could take advantage of that. And that they thought they would never be found out, caught-in-the-act. As a matter of fact.
Denial is quite the beast to tackle when it spills forth in an avalanche. Reality is a huge slap in the face when the congregation speaks, and speaks up loud. There was an attempted sermon, but it fell upon many deaf ears. There were many promises of protection, which turned into lies. The doors weren’t closed, we were just fooled into thinking they were to make us feel better.
Truth be known, the only one you can really trust is yourself. You are the master of whatever transpires in your life. Become stealth, strong, unbreakable. Keep everyone out!
A book and it’s cover can actually portray two different things. It all depends on how well the spinster of words can get inside your head and have you believe what is not actually there.
Love, a four letter word, thrown around like a football in the game of life. Each receiver takes it on as their own meaning. Those who are soft-hearted and empathic tend to get lost in the shuffle and wind up a blubbering mess, in a heap on the floor cradling themselves for months. Others, touch it for a brief second and then launch it off into space, not wanting to touch it ever again, not even with a ten foot pole.
The lesson to be learned here is simple this…….
When in doubt, retrace your own steps, analyze, and see where it all went wrong and take note.
Then never, ever let it happen again.
Leave the past in the past and keep big stepping forward.
Original written work by Gillian Gibson aka Crimson Quintessence 2018.
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