This past weekend has brought about many reflections and I’ve come to realize that a lot of things just don’t matter and have no place in my life any longer. Last night I decided to delete 34 pieces of my posted and shared written work. Most of the pieces were trivial and insignificant, therefore, why keep them at all. I’ve left my mark. I can save the space on my Word Press for better and newer things. Besides there are 164 pieces still left to peruse over any time for those who wish.
I will always be learning and growing because there are so may infinite possibilities in life. What was deleted no longer has any meaning. They just had no place where I am or where I’m going.
I realized through my own children that some people will pretend to care so that they will have a front row seat to my struggles and if you write out your emotions all you carry out is providing those spectators their entertainment and gossip topic of the day. If you take the driver’s seat you lead your own journey and if I have one of those days where I must unleash the flying monkeys, I can find a new avenue to do so and no one is the wiser. There will always be people who don’t like me or don’t get me and I will always not give a fuck about those types of people. I will divert my time to more things that matter.
I’ve raised worldly and smart kids who pointed these things out to me this weekend; well shit they really have paid attention to me when I talked to them so it’s my turn for them to educate me on a few things after all it is only fair. They are kind and caring and like me, and like me they take no shit and also know when using one’s own silence is a golden opportunity to regroup.
“Awakening is a shift in consciousness in which thinking and awareness is separate.”
by Eckhart Tolle
SELENOPHILIA (N) Loving the moon and finding it soothingly captivating.
When you look at the night sky what do you see?
I see calm and peaceful serenity
I see reflection time
time for me
a peaceful time to let my mind be free.
A realization, of how much of my time is spent on Social Media for others, it’s far too much. It took my kids to point it out and voice their opinions for me to see it. Family is far more important and some of that spent time has caused me more stressful situations and attacks to my health that really aren’t needed. My health has deteriorated at a rapid pace in the past 6 months and currently the doctor doesn’t know why and keep sending me for test after test. There are days where I can’t walk, I experience dizziness and loss of balance, memory loss, confusion, blurred vision amongst other things to embarrassing to talk about.
I have decided to cut back from it quite a bit. There is more to life than being cooped up in front of a computer just to see what’s going on. The more time spent away from it the more relaxed one becomes and the feeling of comfort is gratifying. There is no pressure and less stressors to set one-off. I will be lessening my presence via Twitter and have closed all other accounts except my FB Page and Google+ page, I’m going to be a bit selfish for my health and welfare until I can sort out what the hell is going on with my health. I will still share and retweet but it’s not going to consume me like it has for the past two years. The need for more fresh air and sunlight and relaxation is greater than the need to make my presence known. I’ve spent too much time in darkness and need to enjoy the sun, walk in the rain and let the droplets hit my face and wake me up. You won’t be seeing me around on weekends any more. The weekends are for my family time and by that I mean my immediate true blood family, the ones I live with, the children I gave birth to and my beautiful grandbabies. Life is too short, I am 46 and in poor health. I want to thrive on every moment I have left with them and not miss a single day.
Before you know it time has passed you by and once it has you can’t get it back. It’s time to savour life and embrace what matters, shelve what doesn’t, live in the moment and find yourself.
“Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest, it’s about who walked into our life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it.”
Lately there are only a small handful that have fulfilled this venture, the rest have just managed to suck life right out of me over a two-year period in one way or another and I’m not willing to let it happen any longer. I’ve been angry and frustrated for so long with no resolve on some things and no reason on others, I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to smile and smiling is so very important to me.
I do cherish the true friendships I’ve forged and always will. I will be there for those people, they know who they are without my making a list of names public and I am forever grateful for all that you have done and continue to do for me. I will always return the favour to you, my dear ones. I’ve learned to take things in stride and that my silence is golden and my energies are directed where they are needed to be.
Remember when we were young and had no cares in the world. We ran around pretending to be super heroes who were saving the world. Now as adults we sit and watch the world deteriorate around us on the news. How times change and we quickly forget about our youth and become clouded. On June 19th, 2015, the night before my only son as to marry I was trying to piece together where the last 27 years have gone. Yes, I said 27 years, I’m shocked to. It seems like only yesterday he was placed in my arms, my first-born and only son, my Christopher Michael. All ten pounds of him, that’s an eye opener right there.
It was an epic and emotional weekend but one hell of a good ride. It woke me up, showed me how my kids have grown up.
The drive up to the Deerhurst Resort was beautiful. It took us 2 1/2 hours but this time I wasn’t the driver, this time I rode shotgun. The world of travel is very different from this side of the car. I was gobsmacked when we hit the country roads. So many rock formations along the route, right in my province no less, mere feet from my front door. I grabbed my phone and started taking picture after picture. Miles of Fir and Evergreen trees, so tall and brilliantly green in the blue sky, what a refreshing change of scenery without a doubt, thank you Goddess for such beautiful intoxicating nature. When we arrived and checked in it wasn’t five minutes and my son dropped into our room with my grandbabies. I’d forgotten how stressful weddings can be and with children in tow, one might as well have a Valium drip running 24/7.
My grandson, Brayden, who is all of three years old and is wound like a spin top in the energy group, decided it would be a great idea to get soaking wet and covered in sand. This reminded me to remember to just be free and have fun. It was such a joy to watch him laughing and splashing in the water.
This is what matters to me, not virtual presence and pats on the back.
When my time comes I want to be able to say that I lived to the fullest and enjoyed everything. I plan to take it all in one day at a time and embrace it fully.
I don’t need to be only known as a part of any particular group for validation. I have my integrity and my versatility. This matters more than anything. I can stand on my own two feet and be proud of who I am, your approval is neither desired nor required for me to find happiness.
The judgemental will always judge and the strong always stand tall. Put simply I will traverse life’s journey as it comes. I’m not afraid to forge my footpath and travel outside what is the norm.
Take me as I am or don’t take me at all.
The little things, well they don’t really matter any more.
A True Angel, Quintessence,
I will Always be,
I need not approval to validate me
I stepped outdoors and took it all in
This is where all the bullshit ends and where I truly begin.