Over twenty years ago I was diagnosed with FIBROMYALGIA.
Finally a name for what plagued me for most of the years of my life and is now permanent and will never ever go away.
For those of you who don’t know what FIBROMYALGIA is here is a description:
Fibromyalgia is the most common musculoskeletal condition after osteoarthritis. Still, it is often misdiagnosed and misunderstood. Its characteristics include widespread muscle and joint pain and fatigue, as well as other symptoms. Fibromyalgia can lead to depression and social isolation.
What Is Fibromyalgia Syndrome?
A syndrome is a set of symptoms.
When they exist together, they imply the presence of a specific disease or a greater chance of developing the disease.
With fibromyalgia syndrome, the following symptoms commonly occur together:
- Anxiety or depression
- Decreased pain threshold or tender points
- Incapacitating fatigue
- Widespread pain
Every Day I wake up stiff and sore. Just forcing myself to get out of bed, get dressed and driving to work is a large chore but I know I have to do it. Gotta earn a pay cheque after all and get the bills paid. Oh how I wish I could win the lottery.
I push through my days trying my best to stay in a happy mode but it does get rather difficult at times when every fiber of me hurts so bad.
I try not to say much to people about it because the reality is most just don’t understand. I have heard so many times that it’s all in my head. That there is no way it could hurt that much. I’ve caught friends and family members whispering behind my back making statements like
“if I have to hear how much pain she’s in one more time I think I might throw up” and
“Does she not have anything better to talk about, what does she want us to do about it”
“I am so sick of listening to her”.
“Why doesn’t someone just shoot her and put her out of her misery, then maybe we will all get some piece”
It got to the point that I shut everyone out of my life and became a recluse. I go to work, do what I gotta do come home and lock myself in my room until it was time to go to sleep and live the nightmare all over again.
The only solace I have these days is the family I have come to know via the internet. Do they all fully understand me and what I go through, shrugs shoulders, maybe some not all, who really knows. I certainly hope so because I would hate to think of conversations still going on behind my back to this day. I’d rather stop to exist than to think it was still happening.
I do know that some, like me, hurt to. Some have the same thing I do, some are experiencing different levels of other things.
So know you all see I suffer from DEPRESSION, ANXIETY DISORDER AND FIBROMYALGIA and everything that goes with it. I also have TMJ
And Bilateral Fetello Femoral Syndrome aka Patellofemoral pain syndrome
Patients usually have pain in the front of the knee, around or beneath the knee cap.
Patients may have difficulty going up or down stairs. Also, after remaining seated for a prolonged time,
they may experience extreme discomfort with their first few steps after rising. (** This happens to me about a dozen times a day and is bad enough to the point where I sometimes almost collapse and occasionally I need use of a walking cane when it is full-blown bad)
The symptoms improve with further walking. They may also complain of joint locking or the feeling of joint instability.
Any way my reason for telling you this is some times I disappear and just lurk around and don’t say much of anything. A defense mechanism I taught myself over the years so that no one could ask me what was wrong. if no one knows then no one asks and I don’t have to feel like my telling what is wrong is whining or chronic complaining about my life. I have been verbally shot at about it for over 20 years and got sick of hearing it. I basically read your posts, may retweet and like them but make no comments. I am just sitting here with my headphones on listening to music the whole time. Sometimes crying and sometimes laughing. But I am still here.
So if you wondered where I disappeared to that’s pretty much where I am. Unless my depression has taken hold of me. Then I am curled up in my bed and will re-emerge when it goes away.
Thank you to all who are there for me in my time of need and fully support me. You truly are loved and appreciated.
Forever Your Angel
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